Grandma Mac

Over a week ago, I found out that my grandmother had passed away.

I'm heartbroken and devastated by the loss of her, but to be honest, I've been grieving her loss for several years. She began to slowly mentally decline a few years ago. 

In recent years, talking to her always included being asked the same question repeatedly and/or hearing the same story multiple times. I didn't mind, but she definitely has not been my spunky grandma - the grandma of my childhood - for a while. 

Then, about two years ago, she had a stroke. I honestly didn't think she was going to survive that summer, but she did. She was physically in great shape for a ninety-six year old, but the stroke just aggravated her mental decline.

A couple of months ago, in the midst of the pandemic, it became apparent that she could no longer reasonably, or safely live with my parents. She had to be sent to an assisted living facility. This decision was gut-wrenching for my mom, but also very necessary for my grandmother's safety and for the health and wellness of my parents who have been caring for her in their home for the past seven years. 

Before my grandmother was moved to an assisted living facility, I got to spend a few hours with my her, my mom, and my three daughters. I knew then that it might be the last time I ever saw her. 

The last time I would see her dote on and interact with my children. I knew it was unrealistic that I'd get to visit with her while covid cases were increasing in our area. Frankly, I was not sure how well she would adjust or hold up once in the facility.

 

Then she moved in and seemed to transition surprisingly well. My mom would get positive nurse updates, they sent pictures, and my parents got to schedule visits with her. She seemed happy. She seemed settled. I hoped it meant that at some point I would get to visit with her. That she'd stick around for a while.

 

Then she passed. It was sudden, quick, and hopefully peaceful. And now she is gone. My grandmother.

She was a pillar in my life growing up. She was the anchor of so many of my holiday memories as a child. She moved next door to us during my last year of elementary school and has been a huge part of my life for the past 25 years. She helped me rock every single one of my babies. 

She encouraged me and supported me. She simply loved me. Just as I was. She never expected me to be anyone or anything else. That kind of unconditional love is rare and priceless. And she gave it to me regularly and freely. 

I loved her. I loved everything about her. I'm so thankful for the impact she had on me and the way her love shaped me. Life will never be the same with her gone. 

We had her funeral this past weekend. It was such a special time to remember her with close family and friends. 

Grandma was so spunky and sassy. She was a planner and demanded excellence of herself and of others. I found out that she and my Grandpa Mac have had their burial plots picked out and paid for since 1947. Three years after they got married. If that isn't planning to be prepared I don't know what is.

Grandma Mac gave her everything to her family. I know because I experienced it first hand. If I ever needed or wanted something that she had the ability to make happen - it happened. She supported me through college, so that I could focus on studying. She was tough as nails and always dressed to impress. Before the stroke she always had her nails manicured to perfection, got her hair cut and styled regularly, and she accessorized impeccably. 

Her love of shoes and handbags was passed down to me honestly; and I do love make-up, but I am not sure I have the same level of obsession with it and hair care as Grandma did. 

At the service, I was also reminded, that while I will grieve the loss of her here on Earth for the rest of my life, I don't grieve without hope. And there is a joy mingled with the sadness. She is no longer constrained to a failing earthly body. She is in heaven rejoicing with her savior. And knowing that takes some of the sting out of the fact that she is not here with us - with me. 

I don't know why God picked this time and these circumstances under which to call my grandmother home. Why didn't he take her two years ago after her stroke? Why did she linger here, but not here for so long? I don't know. I may never know, but I trust (or at least I'm trying to trust) that His plan is superior to my own. And even though I don't have all of the answers I have seen God's hand on the timing of Grandma's passing. And I know that her life will influence my own for all the days I am given. She has left behind an awesome legacy. 

Several years ago our pastor did a sermon series through 1st Timothy. One sermon in particular emphasized the impact that Timothy's mother and grandmother had on his faith. As I reflected on that theme and considered the legacy that was being passed down to me through my mother and her mother before her I wrote the following poem:

Legacy 

by: DJ Allen

You Love the Lord

I Know It's True

I See it Daily Shining Through

You Are a Living Testament

Of All the Love that God Hath Sent

Through His Son to Us On Earth

Beginning with the Virgin Birth

You Taught Your Children Right from Wrong

They Grew Up and Passed It On

We Hide God's Words in Our Hearts

Because You Always Did Your Part

You Showed Up And Shared His Love

Obeying and Serving God Above

You Are a Light for All to See

You Will Leave Behind a Legacy

Your Children's Children Sing it Loud

Because You and Your Legacy Make Us Proud

My mother asked me to read the Legacy poem during Grandma Mac's funeral. If you know me, then you know that this request terrified me for multiple reasons. However, when Debbie Jo asks you to do something you do it. And so I prayed, fervently, that God would give me the strength and grace that I would need to read that poem for my mother and in honor of my grandmother. And I did. 

I love you Grandma Mac. I will miss you always. 💗

October 29, 1922 - September 13, 2020