I pumped exclusively for five months. This is something that I do not recommend to anyone. Here is why it happened/where it all started:
At Claire's two-month doctor's appointment we found out that she wasn't gaining a whole lot of weight. She hadn't lost weight, but she still wasn't even a pound over her birth weight. I was producing plenty of milk (I was pumping in between nursing sessions to store up milk for my return to work) and Claire was still nursing well with the aid of a nipple shield.
The doctor said not to worry about it, but to bring her back in a month - they didn't want two months to go in between weight checks. I wasn't worried when we left the doctor, but over the next month I could tell that Claire wasn't growing like she should be. My return to work was also fast approaching, so I was getting more and more anxious.
Claire was not quite three months old when I had to return and finish out the school year. She started getting bottles of breast milk for three feedings during the day and then I nursed her once or twice in the evening, once at night, and once in the morning. I was also pumping at least three times during the day while at work. (Let's just say I was one tired momma).
Jared took Claire to the doctor to be weighed at the three month mark - I was back at school at this point. This weight check confirmed what I had known for the past month. Claire was still not gaining weight. She had gained an ounce in the month since her 2-month appointment.
The doctor wanted us to make sure she was getting at least four ounces during all of her bottle feedings, nursing frequently in the evening, and that we woke her up at least once in the night to nurse. They also wanted us to bring her back in a week for another weight check. We complied and Jared returned with our baby in a week.
She had lost 3 oz. I was devastated.
The doctor decided that for a week we needed to make all but one of her feedings bottle feedings - to make sure she was getting 4 oz at every feeding. I was allowed to nurse her during the middle of the night feeding. The doctor also wanted us to add half a scoop of formula to Claire's bottles in order to increase the total calories Claire was getting.
I cried for two days. I was so disappointed. Being at work was so hard during this time. I felt like a failure. My breast milk was not fulfilling our baby’s needs. Deep down I knew that there was nothing I did wrong, but it was really hard to not feel like a complete failure.
When your baby is not growing and you are her main source of nutrition it is really easy to be convinced (by the enemy) that you are the problem. Poor Jared tried so hard to be supportive, but this was a really difficult time for me as a woman and a mother. I am not sure a man could ever really understand, but he did try and was very supportive.
I still had five or six weeks until the end of the school year.
Jared took Claire back to the doctor and the plan had worked. She was up over a pound. I was told I could go back to nursing her in the evenings/mornings as long as we supplemented after nursing and made sure she was getting at least five 4 oz. servings.
I was really excited to get to nurse my baby again. Unfortunately, Claire did not feel the same way. After a week of almost exclusively bottles, Claire wanted nothing to do with me and my slow let-down. She screamed like I was torturing her every time I tried to nurse her. I read about all these different techniques to try and end a nursing strike. I started with a bottle and then switched to the breast halfway through. I tried pumping to start letdown and then trying to get her to latch. They all worked okay temporarily, but eventually she realized what I had done and started screaming at me again.
I was still working and exhausted from lack of sleep and dealing with students all day, so I just decided to pump until the end of the school year. I had the whole summer and next year (I had decided through all of this to take a year off) to end the nursing strike. I would worry about it when I wasn't working full time. I started making a whole lot more milk when I gave up the battle over nursing. (Stress reduces milk production). Ha!
The summer came and I went back to trying to get Claire to nurse. I tried a number of different things, but Claire was not going to give up her bottles easily. Eventually, I decided that it was not worth the battle to continue to try and get her to nurse, so I resigned myself to pumping exclusively. When Jared was home he gave Claire a bottle while I pumped. When he was at work I would pump thirty minutes to an hour before Claire needed to eat and then feed her. It was a lot of work - she was eating every three hours and I had to pump as often as she ate. Over the next few weeks I would occasionally resurrect my attempts to get Claire to nurse, but it was to no avail. She was having none of it.
We had a family vacation planned for the end of July and I had to come to some sort of decision, so I officially gave up on trying to get Claire to nurse (I threw away the nipple shields). We started giving her five ounces and I extended the time between her feedings to four hours. It gave me a little bit of a reprieve in between pumping and feeding.
I did NOT enjoy pumping during our vacation (See Orlando Vacation Posts). If it wouldn't have been unbearably painful I might have quit. Even Jared was starting to question our resolve to stick with it - it had been pretty easy up to this point for him to convince me to continue on. There was no way I was going to attempt quitting cold turkey, so I stuck with it. After pumping for a week in Disney World I decided I could make it through pretty much anything. The rest of the summer went by quickly.
Even though I was not going to be teaching I still attended teacher inservice at the beginning of the school year and brought my pump along with me. I did get some much needed professional development hours, but the most beneficial thing I gained that week was reassurance that not working during the next year had been the right decision. I was walked in on twice while pumping and struggled to juggle all of my meetings and pumping schedule. Pumping and school teaching are just two very difficult things to blend. I also got a clogged duct - a precursor of mastitis - during the last day of inservice. I cannot imagine if I had had to be in the classroom teaching the next day while trying to get my duct unclogged (which requires frequent pumping sessions, ice packs, heat packs, and occasionally ibuprofen).
The clogged duct threatened my resolve to stick with the pumping, but somehow I managed to stay strong.
The first week of September I got another clogged duct. We had a trip planned for a few days later. We were going to be driving to Austin to visit my siblings over Labor Day weekend. Luckily, I got the clog cleared after a day and I reset my pumping schedule to try and alleviate any future clogs.
On the drive down I got another one and spent the entire drive trying to resolve it. The next day it was clogged again. I spent most of my vacation trying to get rid of clogged ducts. (They are pretty painful, so it was not a pleasant way to spend the vacation). By the end of the weekend I had cleared all of the clogs and was feeling better, but I had decided that it was time to wean. I could not handle any more issues with my breasts. I skipped my first pumping session that day. It was liberating.
I am still in the process of weaning, but I am down to just two pumping sessions a day. Claire is eight months old and I think I will continue to pump twice daily until she is at least nine months. I cannot tell you how freeing it feels to not be tied to my pump all day every day.
Every time I have questioned my decision to wean I have gotten a clogged duct. I am pretty sure that even if that isn't a sign it is a good enough reason for me to continue along the weaning path. Claire is eating a lot more solid foods now and I have other issues to deal with (see The Big Poop), so I am not concerning myself over the decision to wean. It is the right decision for me and for Claire.
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