I have known sadness (I might go so far as to say depression) from time to time. I am even struggling with it as I write this. I have had loved ones and family members deal with illness and/or pass away. I have doubted, faced rejection, and dealt with other obstacles and struggles; but I also had an idyllic childhood.
I have two loving parents who are still happily married. I was born in the USA (one of the richest countries in the world). I have always had a roof over my head and plenty to eat. I have two siblings whom I get along with. I enjoy my siblings. I like hanging out with them. I received a good education. I have my Masters degree. I have never had serious financial woes. My husband and I have no credit card debt to speak of. I have more worldly possessions than I need or that some people even dream of having. I have a beautiful, intelligent little girl. I have never struggled with infertility, or the loss of a child.
I could go on and on. And no, I am not trying to rub my blessings in anybody's face, but I cannot deny them either.
I think that the enemy has been using this to bombard me lately. I have been feeling really guilty about living such a blessed life. I have been feeling guilty about feeling bad about anything. I keep saying to myself, "Get over yourself, at least you aren't dealing with _____." or "You are sad about that? What if you were having to go through ____?" I have been beating myself up for worrying and being a weakling in general. I even feel bad about being happy and content.
So many people I know are facing things I cannot imagine facing. So many people I do not know face things I cannot imagine facing. Loss, hunger, poverty, illness, etc. Why did God give me so much? What did I do to deserve such a blessed life?
The answer is nothing. I did nothing to deserve it. I don't deserve it, but it has been given to me anyway. Now, I must be the best steward of the grace God has shown me that I can be.
In the wake of the recent griefs that acquaintances and loved ones have been facing, my own griefs seem to pale in comparison. It would be easy to minimize them, or shrug them off. However, I serve a God who cares about even my most minuscule and insignificant problems/feelings. In fact, He does not even consider them minuscule or insignificant. If it matters to me--it matters to Him. He knows the number of hairs on my head:
Luke 12:6-8 (ESV), "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not
one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are
all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."
He is acquainted with all of my ways:
Psalm 139:1-3 (ESV), "O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You
know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my
ways."
He has plans for me and they are good:
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV), "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
So, I am seeking His perfect peace. A peace that passes all understanding:
Philippians 4:7 (ESV), "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I am also reconciling myself to the fact that sadness is a part of this fallen world and God understands my sadness. It is just as meaningful and important to Him as the sadness of others -- even if it doesn't seem as meaningful to them, or to me.
And though I may walk through a valley --even now-- God will use it to build my strength and my character. If I am obedient and abide in Him, He can and will use it to draw me nearer and fulfill His kingdom purposes.
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