Grieving.

Over the past couple of days a couple in our bible fellowship class have been dealing with a very difficult situation. They were pregnant with their first child. Around 28 weeks of gestation they found out that there was too little amniotic fluid in the uterus. The mother was placed on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. They made it to 34 weeks gestation and the doctors decided a c-section was best at that point.

Once the baby arrived she was immediately placed on a ventilator and the doctors did everything in their power to try and get the baby breathing and stable...to no avail. Yesterday afternoon we received confirmation that the baby had passed away.

It is sad when a person loses their life--whether to age, sickness, poor decisions, etc. --it is especially sad and heartbreaking when the person is a tiny, sweet, innocent. I don't know why this particular loss has hit me so hard, but it has. I know of the couple. I went to school with the mother. They are in our bible fellowship class (however, they have been gone (due to the pregnancy complications) most of the Sundays that Jared and I have attended). We didn't know them personally that well. However, my heart is aching for them and their loss.

I worked at a hospital as a certified nurses' assistant for six years during high school and college. One of my duties was to help clean up patients after they had passed. I have seen death. I have experienced the loss of loved ones. This is different.

I have a little girl. I hug and sing to her. I rock her. I feed her. She brings me books to read to her. Every moment--even the exasperating ones--is precious.

These are all things that this mother had dreamed about doing with her little girl...and had thought she was going to get to do with her. And now those are just reminders of what has been lost. It breaks my heart. I have been and will continue to pray for strength and peace for these parents. I would also ask that anyone who reads this and feels so compelled to do the same.

What happened is sad. It is unfair. It is horrible. I have no idea how long this ache will linger with me. I know it is devastating to these parents and it will linger with them longer--probably all the days they are on this earth. The only comfort I have is the knowledge that my God is sovereign. I, in my limited human thinking, cannot comprehend this. I will never understand why it happened.

I may never know the purpose, but I have comfort in knowing that it is not for me to comprehend or understand. And, by the grace of God, this sweet baby's loss will bring glory to His name in some way. This death will further His kingdom and fulfill His promises. It matters--she mattered.

He loved her.